I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
