garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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