I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
