Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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