You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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