What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
