even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
