have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Welp...herpes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
