Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
