everyone is single if you try hard enough
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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