I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
