**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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