I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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