I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
