R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want nice things and good sex
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
