Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
