Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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