my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
high people should be assigned attendants
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
