party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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