just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
