i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
