i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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