God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
