The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
