My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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