Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize