She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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