i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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