He uses pillows to masturbate.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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