shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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