i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
