I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
