Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
