I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
