I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you made out with another girl for some wings
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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