Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
