last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
