My first STD was from a foam party
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
