we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
