mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize