5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
