Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
