Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
