i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
