dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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