no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
