I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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