no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize