K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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