Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
