If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
look no pants
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
