So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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