WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize