Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my poor anus
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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