Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
