Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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