He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
