The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
