I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
