I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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