So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
