Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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