fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
