At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
