Please, let me fuck your mom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
