he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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