Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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