how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
