I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
