Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
