She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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