She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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